It wasn’t until recently that I noticed that my dad no longer had a mustache. How long has that been going on for? My dad and I haven’t always had the best relationship, every time someone mentions being “daddy’s girl” I roll my eyes. (Lol sorry...) I think one of the reasons him and I bumped heads a lot during my teen years was because we were/are so similar, not in a good way either. We are similar in our stubborn ways but we different in our views and this is where the sparks would start to fly. I’ve never been one to stay quiet and let “injustice” skate on through. I speak up for the little guy, even if the little guy is me. I’ve just never understood “gender roles” and coming from a Latino family well... there were adjustments all around, for all of us. We aren’t your typical traditional family. Thanks to me being a young little feminist 😅. If he’d tell me to maybe wash his plate, not ask but TELL me, I’d immediately question it. (By the way back then I wanted to study law - practicing my debate skills with good old dad.) Do I have to wash this plate because I am a woman? Would you ask me to do this if I were your son? Let me point out that when I was younger I thought my dad was disappointed that I wasn’t a boy. You know everyone usually wants a son... Especially someone who is an only son and wants someone to carry on his dynasty. So you could say I had a chip on my shoulder, feeling like I wasn’t enough and he was stuck with me. Later on as I got older and talked to my mom about those feelings she mentioned how my dad and grandpa struggled with their relationship too. Which was crazy to me because my grandpa always made me feel loved/seen. Not once did I feel that he underestimated me because I was a girl. I guess you can excuse my dad’s attitude as a byproduct of his upbringing. Whereas my mom tried to break the cycle he continued it. No matter how much we bumped heads I have always loved him and used to crave his approval. I just just wanted my dad to be proud of me (SIGH...)To this day I don’t think he’s actually said the words to me, but I’ve gotten past it! During my late teens/early twenties I no longer craved his approval. I realized that my happiness should not depend on his or anyone’s approval. Three decades into this relationship I can say that we aren’t best friends but we get along much better. We can even have awkward conversations without bumping heads. I’m still vocal when I don’t agree with him, and have noticed how that helped to better shape his relationship with my younger sister. Someone’s gotta be the pioneer right, being the oldest isn’t always easy. You’re the test dummy! I still love him the most because at the end of the day he’s a good man. Maybe he hasn’t been the most expressive person but he’s been a good father. He’s as emotionally constipated as I used to be, him and I... we were the same and I understand him now. I’ve forgiven him and that could be one of the reason why I feel lighter. I hope that one day he can forgive his dad too. Men should be able to express themselves without there being that stigma of being considered weak. Song: Layla - Eric Clapton
