It’s sucks when life slaps you on the face making you realize something you didn’t even imagine was out there. Yes, it sucks, but sometimes, it’s completely necessary. Often, it’s the only way to make us open our eyes and change the course or our journey, the only way to make you hear what it’s been whispering to your ear all along. Will this do the trick? Not necessarily. It will all be up to us. On occasions, no matter who loud life screams at us or how hard it hits us, we still manage to avoid receiving the not so secret and riddle message it is trying to deliver. Yes, it will be all up to us. With each passing day, we decide the person we want to be, through the words we speak, through the thoughts we think, through the actions we take, through the lies or truths we live by, through the things we dare to listen and to the ones we cowardly ignore. I’ve had had a couple of days where life screams at you so loud and slaps you so hard it will be a fool game to ignore it. It sucked, but it was totally necessary. I’ve been so arrogant, so pride, and so self-centered, that I forgot all the blessing around me. I took them for granted. I forgot what a blessing it is to work on my terms and have time for those things that set my soul on fire. I forgot how lucky I am not to have to worry about the basic need. I took for granted the money I have earned. I’ve been self-centered and selfish. I’ve been immature and irresponsible, and I’ve been ignoring the consequences of it. I’ve been making some bad decisions. I’ve been lying to others and myself, forgetting my truths and getting ruled by my lies. I took my dream for granted. I took the love and support of the people that have been all along with me through thick and thin for granted. I’ve been arrogant to think that people have some kind of obligation to support my dream. I forgot all about humility, hard work, commitment, and positive energy. I forgot all about thankfulness. I have been disrespectful to the life I’m lucky enough to be living. I’ve been ungrateful. I’ve been ungrateful as hell. Life slapped me hard on the face and it sucked. But I’m thankful. I’m thankful I dared to listen. I’m thankful I chose to reflect in a time when not everything is lost, and I still get to turn this ship around. I’m thankful life is giving me a chance to do and be better. I’m thankful for the opportunity to grow and learn from these experiences. Will the feeling of the slap be enough? Am I a changed woman? Not even close. I still have to work on what led me to this in the first place; and even though acknowledgment is the first step to changing the pattern, I have a long way to go. In the last couple of days, I have felt a lot of things. I’ve felt stupid, silly, ashamed, angry with myself, doubtful, scared, sad, and some other things. But mostly, I feel thankful for the warm feeling of that outrageous, uncomfortable and immensely generous slap.
